Starting Over
by alanmonica4vr
Summary: As Monica Quartermaine begins to fall in love again, her affair is derailed by a VERY jealous ghost


**STARTING OVER**

Monica juggled her charts as she left the nurse's station on her way back to her office. She dreaded the piles of paperwork she had to keep up with. She had been working long hours and had taken on a larger than normal patient load lately. It seemed to be the only salvation from the long lonely hours she faced at home. At least here she felt needed and could get a momentary escape from the overwhelming grief that still smothered her since losing Alan and Emily. She paged through the top chart not bothering to pay attention to where she was going. She didn't even see the man walking in the hallway until she crashed right into him sending her charts scattering all over the floor. He bent to help her pick them up while a very flustered Monica struggled through an apology. "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I wasn't even looking. How clumsy of me."

As he handed her the charts he looked her directly in the eyes. "Really, it's ok…." He gently straightened her name tag to find her identity. "Dr. Quartermaine. Ah, so you're the legendary Dr. Monica Quartermaine I've heard so much about. Dr. Marcus Ingram." He extended his hand to her and she shook it.

She was quickly captivated by his amazing good looks. He was tall, fit with wavy brown hair, showing only a hint of gray and piercing blue eyes. "I'm with neurology. Just started up here at GH this week." She heard him saying.

"Well, it is nice to meet you. And again I'm so sorry I bumped right into you. Thank you for helping me pick up my mess. "

His smile revealed perfect white teeth. "Actually, I'm glad we ran into each other, literally. I've been hoping I'd get to meet you this week. You've got quite the reputation around here."

"Well, don't believe everything you hear, "Monica laughed. "Welcome to General Hospital. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around."

"Oh, you can count on it, "Marcus said as he watched her walk on. He felt an incredible attraction to her after only a few moments. She was certainly beautiful and from what he'd been told, an amazing surgeon. He definitely looked forward to bumping into Dr. Quartermaine again.

A few days later Monica was consulted to see a patient who had just suffered a debilitating stroke. As she was leaving the patient's room, she saw Marcus reviewing the chart. "Hello, Dr. Ingram, was it?"

"Marcus, please, "he corrected her. They spoke for a few moments and soon realized that their opinion on how best to treat this patient were very different. "How about we discuss this some more over coffee? I've only had one cup today and I am struggling."

Monica agreed and walked with him to the hospital cafeteria. He sat down with 2 steaming cups of coffee and they continued their debate. Marcus soon realized that Monica Quartermaine was a force to be reckoned with. He was getting absolutely nowhere in his attempts to change her opinion. So, he decided to just change the subject matter. "So, why don't you just tell me about yourself? How long have you been at General Hospital?"

Monica laughed. "A lifetime, it seems. Well, actually 30 years. I started as an intern and immediately fell in love with cardiology. I had a wonderful fellowship in cardio-thoracic surgery and have been there ever since. How about you? Where was home before Port Charles?"

"Well, I was living in Cleveland, Ohio and practicing at Cleveland General. I was there about 33 years."

Just then Monica's pager went off. "I'm sorry. I need to go."

"Monica, can we continue this – maybe over dinner sometime?"

Monica's initial reaction was "No" and the words were nearly on her lips, but when she looked into his piercing blue eyes and saw his handsome smile, she surprisingly found herself saying "Yes, I'd like that."

"How about tomorrow night? You'll have to pick, I don't know the restaurants here yet."

Monica suggested the Post Charles Grill and declined Marcus's offer to pick her up, stating she'd meet him there at 7:00. The last thing she wanted was Edward and Tracy to get wind that she had a date. "A date?" she laughed to herself. "It's not a date, really. It's just dinner." She promised herself she wouldn't make more out of this than it actually was.

Monica hurried home from the hospital Friday afternoon, took a long hot bath and began getting ready for dinner. As she got ready she didn't notice him sitting quietly in the corner of her bedroom. Alan, in ghostly form, was watching her carefully. Of course she didn't see him. Alan had been walking the halls of the Quartermaine mansion for over a year now and Monica had been completely unable to see, hear, or even sense his presence. At first, Alan thought that maybe Monica could feel him there; she would linger at him in his chair, or pause when she entered a room he was in. But after a year of trying, Alan had resigned himself sadly to the fact that his beloved Monica would never know of his presence. Only Tracy had that dubious honor.

So, Alan sat quietly by and watched Monica go through life without him. He worried about her at times when she seemed so very sad and lonely. He knew that eventually the day would come when she'd want to date again. He just didn't anticipate how he would feel when it happened. As he watched her tonight, he knew it was a date she was getting ready for. Oh, she hadn't said a word to anyone, but he knew. She pulled out 3 different dresses, slipped each one on, examined herself in the mirror and finally made her decision. She settled on a beautiful black dress with a scooped neckline, sexy enough to reveal just a hint of cleavage. "It's too low Monica, what are you planning to give it all away on the first date?" Alan said out loud. "Surely you have some turtlenecks in that closet that would look just a nice." He felt that old familiar jealously burning within him again. He hated that fact that he could never hold her or touch her again - and that someone else would. Monica applied her lipstick. "That color never suited you." Alan said, knowing full well how sexy her lips looked in that shade. For the final touch, Monica sprayed on her favorite perfume, which just so happened to be the scent that drove Alan wild. She sprayed in across her neck and between her breasts. "My God Monica, he's not going to be sniffing there is he?" Alan ranted. He was becoming more jealous by the moment. Finally Monica turned around, facing Alan with her back toward the mirror. Alan gasped as he saw fully how stunning she looked. As she breezed past him, he caught a whiff of the perfume and his heart ached.

Alan made his way sadly into the den where he slumped down in his chair. He heard the door close and Monica's car leave the garage. He wiped the tear from his eye. A few moments later, Tracy came bounding in. She caught him sitting in his chair and began ranting to him about Edward and the latest ELQ problem. "Tracy, I can't help you right now. I've got a bigger problem. "

"Bigger than the impending downfall of ELQ? Come on Alan, get your priorities right."

"It's Monica. She's out on a date tonight."

"Aw, and she forgot to ask for permission?"

"Don't be snide Tracy? Do you have any idea what this means?"

"Well, for starters that maybe Monica will finally be pleasant around here once she starts getting some action again."

"That really helps."

"Come on Alan, really…did you think she'd sit in a hole mourning you forever?"

"It's just that I'm stuck here Tracy, stuck in this limbo I'm in. And now I have to watch as she starts to parade men in and out of this house again. Maybe I really am in hell."

"Gee, how's that different from when you were alive and married to Monica. Listen, all I heard from you for months now is how worried you are about Monica, how sad she is; how depressed she seems. Now she starts to live again and you can't handle it."

"Who is this guy anyway? What if he's some kind of criminal? Or what if he just is after one thing?"

"And since when has Monica had an objection to that."

"Shut up Tracy. " Alan gets up to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find her."

"What? That would be the stupidest thing you could do Alan." Tracy moves closer to him. "Look Alan, I know this is hard for you, but you love Monica right?"

"Always." He whispers.

"Then you need to let her move on and live again. And for the record, I don't think this is easy for her either."

Alan sighed heavily and plopped back down in the chair, head in his hands.

Meanwhile, Monica met up with Marcus at the Port Charles Grill. Marcus was stunned when he saw Monica all dressed up for dinner. The few times he saw her at the hospital she was in scrubs or a lab coat. He didn't imagine she could look this good. After ordering drinks, Monica began the conversation. "So, we got interrupted the other day and I never did get to ask you how you ended up here in Port Charles?"

"Well, my wife passed away almost 2 years ago and since then my daughter has been nagging me incessantly to move closer to her and my grandkids. They live in Albany. I was tired of the big city, so Port Charles seemed ideal."

"I'm so sorry about your wife."

"Thank you. She battled breast cancer for 7 years. We thought maybe we had it beat, but it ended up spreading. "

Monica focused on Marcus' eyes, searching for something to say. Marcus continued. "My daughter is quire the worry wart. She worried about me all the time. So, I finally agreed to move. It's great being able to see those grandkids every weekend."

"How many do you have? "

"Two – Alyssa is 3 and Heather is just 2 months. " His face lit up. "They're such sweethearts. " He pulled out pictures and showed them proudly.

"Is your daughter an only child?"

"Yes, its' just Lynne. We had hoped for more, but it just never happened. Well, listen to me going on and on. So, how is it that a beautiful successful doctor isn't married?"

Monica was momentarily caught off guard and her expression must have showed it. Marcus quickly went on. "I'm sorry; it's just that you're not wearing a ring. I just assumed….."

Monica glanced down at the bare ring finger on her left hand. She remembered how just a few weeks ago she had finally made the painful decision to take off her wedding ring. It was the year anniversary of Alan's death and after spending the past year holding on to every bit of Alan she could, she finally realized that no matter how badly she wished for it, Alan was gone forever and no amount of hope could bring him back. She came home from work that day and opened Alan's closet, seeing the empty row where his Armani suits once hung. Just that morning, she had told Alice to remove Alan's clothes. Alice initially protested, telling Monica she should be the one to go through them. Monica insisted Alice have them gone by the time she returned home from work. Now as she stared at the empty closet, she knew there was one thing she needed to do yet. She sat down on her bed and removed the beautiful god and diamond wedding band. She smiled to herself when she remembered their tacky wedding at the justice of the peace. Alan had surprised her after the ceremony with the stunning ring. As he slipped it on her finger, she quickly forgot the pain of their divorce and their months apart and knew in her heart that they would withstand anything as long as they were together. But now, Alan was gone. She opened her nightstand and took out her jewelry box. She gently placed her wedding ring in a velvet jewelry pouch. It made a small clink as it hit the ring Alan gave her at their first wedding. She had intended to wear it when they remarried; having no idea Alan would surprise her with a new one. She couldn't bear to part with the first ring, hoping one day to give it to her daughter or granddaughter. But, this seemingly wasn't going to happen, now that Emily was gone. She gently tucked the velvet pouch containing both rings back in her jewelry box and placed it back in her drawer. She slid her engagement ring on the ring finger of her right hand. She sighed heavily and spoke to Alan's picture which seemed to be watching her. "I'll love you forever, but I just need to start letting go, my darling. Please understand." Then she lay on her bed and sobbed herself to sleep.

"Monica…did you hear me?" Marcus interrupted Monica's reverie.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, I mean no.." Monica stammered. "I'm not married; actually, I'm a widow myself." Monica looked down at her glass and became quiet. "He's been gone almost a year and a half."

Marcus sensed he touched on a painful subject. He was unsure of how to continue. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked gently.

Monica took a breath and began to tell Marcus about Alan's tragic heart attack at the Metro court and his ultimate death. Her voice became choked up. Marcus thought he'd ask about a happier subject.

"You have children I assume?"

Again Monica's eyes grew sad and she spoke softly. "Just one now….but at one time I had four."

Marcus looked stunned and listened quietly as Monica told him about losing Dawn, AJ and finally Emily. She had trouble holding back tears as she told him about Emily's murder. When she finished speaking she realized Marcus had reached across the table and taken her hand. He held it gently, stroking the back side of it with his thumb. That simple gesture brought such comfort and Monica realized how wonderful it felt just to feel that hand upon hers. They sat quietly until the waiter interrupted to take their dinner orders. After ordering, Monica quickly changed the subject and brought up their previous discussion regarding their mutual patient at the hospital. Monica soon found that Marcus was unrelenting in his opinions on how to treat this case. They each backed their opinions strongly and ended up continuing to debate the issue pleasantly throughout dinner. Finally Marcus laughed,  
"Are you always this headstrong, Monica Quartermaine?"

"Only when I know I'm right Dr. Ingram." She laughed also. She loved debating with him, it reminded her so much of Alan. How arrogant he was and how they went head to head on medical issues all the time. They both were always so sure they were right that they were forever at an impasse. How good it felt to have someone to challenge her thinking again. She knew Marcus was enjoying the discussion too. It was never an angry debate, but rather a friendly sparring. As they drank coffee, a small musical group began to play some quiet jazz music. Some couples began to dance. They too, took to the dance floor. Marcus held Monica close as they danced slowly. She liked the feel of his hand at the small of her back and the way her hand felt in his. As he pulled her in closely, she could smell the faint hint of cologne on his neck. It was masculine and very sexy. They danced to two songs and then walked back to their table, Marcus not letting go of her hand. He paid the dinner bill and they walked outside. The night was warm and clear. "How about coming to my place for a nightcap?" he blurted, hoping that she wouldn't get the wrong idea, or the right one.

The voice in Monica's head began shouting "NO," but Monica found herself saying, "I'd like that very much."

Monica followed him in her car. They entered his home and Marcus offered her a brandy. They sat on the couch and sipped their drinks, quiet for the first time all evening. Finally, Marcus spoke, "Can I tell you something, honestly?"

"Ok," Monica answered.

"I've been wanting to kiss you all evening."

"So, what's been stopping you?"

Marcus set his drink down, as well as hers, and gently pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered at the side of her face and he leaned in close and kissed her softly. The kiss increased in intensity and he pulled her in closer to him. They kissed passionately for a long time, finally stopping to look at each other. "Wow," he said softly.

"I better go," Monica said not making any attempt to get up. Marcus kissed her again. "Stay with me," he whispered quietly in her ear. He got up and led her into the bedroom. Monica willingly followed. They spent the night in each other's arms making love. Marcus awoke first; he looked over at Monica. He could hear her breathing softly as she slept. He wanted so much to touch her again, but didn't want to wake her. He ended up softly stroking her hair. Monica turned to him and they held each other tightly. Marcus began kissing her neck and soon they were making love , Marcus got up and made a pot of coffee while Monica dozed quietly.

Almost an hour later, Marcus sat in his kitchen sipping coffee. Monica entered, dressed and holding her purse in hand. "Good morning," he smiled at her. He was wearing blue silk pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt. "You're not leaving are you? I made coffee and I was going to whip up one of my special omelets. You have to try one."

"I really better go," Monica spoke quietly.

Marcus came over to her and touched her arm. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, "Monica lied. The truth was, she awoke feeling rather confused. Her night with Marcus was wonderful, full of passion and it felt so good after months alone, to wake up with someone, to be held and loved. But as they so often did, this morning her thoughts turned to Alan and terrible pangs of guilt ate at her while she dressed. Last night she gave herself so willingly to Marcus without a thought of Alan. She actually really liked him and really wanted to spend more time with him, but she felt this nagging guilt that she was betraying Alan's memory. After losing him, she swore she'd never love again, never feel anything again and now here she was, taking that leap and letting someone into that part of her life again.

'Why don't you at least stay for coffee?" she heard Marcus ask.

"Alright," she conceded and sat at the table with Marcus.

Marcus poured her a cup and sat down across from her. He touched her hand gently. "You know last night was the first for me too, since Diana died. "

"How did you know?"

"You and I are a lot alike Monica. Both trying to forage on through life alone. I gotta admit, being with someone else last night was 'different', but it was wonderful. You were wonderful. And it really sucks being alone."

"You're right about that. I guess this morning, I'm feeling 'morning-after guilt'. Like I betrayed Alan somehow. Funny, it never bothered me so much when he was alive."

Marcus looked at her strangely.

"I wasn't always the model wife if you must know. I did some pretty horrible things to Alan through the years. I guess I thought the least I could do now is honor his memory."

"By spending the rest of you life alone? You know, when we knew Diana was dying we talked. We talked about everything…our past, the future. There was nothing we hadn't said. And she gave me the ok..her blessing…to move on when the time was right. But you know, you're the first lady I even considered in the past two years. You're so different from the others…I knew that the minute you bumped into me."

Monica laughed, "You're not going to let me forget that are you?" She sighed.

"Monica, from what you've told me about your husband, it sounds like he loved you very much. I think he'd want you to move on…to be happy again, especially after losing your daughter too."

"You're right Marcus, I know you are. "

He smiled at her and leaned across the table and kissed her gently. "So, how about that omelet?"

Monica looked at the clock."Maybe next time."

"So, are you telling me there will be a next time? Because I sure want to see you again."

"I'd like that too." Monica got up to leave. Marcus followed her to the door, before she can open it, he pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her deeply.

Monica got into her car, smiling. Her whole body is tingling. For the first time in a year and a half, she felt completely alive and….happy.

Meanwhile back at the Quartermaine mansion, Alan sat nervously in his chair in the den. Every so often, he got up, checked the clock, and looked out the window for Monica's car. He did this routine all night, waiting for her to return home. He remembered sitting up nights like this when Emily was a teenager and would go out. Tracy was the first one downstairs in the morning. She came in the den for breakfast and found Alan sitting in his chair fuming. "Well, don't we look grumpy this morning?"she said to him.

"Shut up Tracy, I'm in no mood. " He snapped.

"Tell me you didn't follow Monica out on her date last night."

"No, but I should have. She hasn't come home."

Tracy's face lit up with an evil grin. "Aha…it was a sleepover. And on the first date…wow, Monica is easy."

"Stop it Tracy, I'm warning you. I knew I should have found a way to stop her from going out last night to begin with."

"Oh come on Alan, how is this any different from your entire marriage to Monica. She did nothing but sleep around then. You should be used to it. At least now she isn't doing anything wrong."

"Not doing anything wrong?! Sleeping with the first man who pays attention to her."

"You've been gone for over a year Alan; it's not like she jumped into bed with him the night of your funeral, although I wouldn't have put it past her. Oh my God, I'm actually defending her."

Just then, they both heard the door open. Tracy rushed to the foyer to catch Monica before she sneaks upstairs. "Good morning Monica. My you're up and about early this morning. And all gussied up too. Where could you possibly be going this dressed up at this hour?"

"I had an appointment Tracy, not that it's any business of yours." Monica was smiling ear to ear; even Tracy couldn't deflate her mood this morning.

"That looks like a dinner dress Monica. Rumor has it you had a date last night."

"Well, I'll say it again, it's none of your concern, but yes, I did have a date."

"Judging by the looks of things that date extended into this morning. So, do tell, who is he? "

"His name is Marcus. Dr. Marcus Ingram."

"Dr? Does this mean he's out of med school? Oh, wait, maybe he's an intern."

"Very funny Tracy, actually he's my age and very handsome." Monica was grinning. "I'd love to stay and share all the details with you, but I'm dying for a hot shower and a nap." Monica headed up the stairs, humming.

"Did you hear that, she's humming?" Alan said sadly. "Did you see the look on her face? She's beaming, she's practically glowing. I've seen that look before."

Alan got up and followed Monica up the stairs. He watched longingly as she undressed and showered. She sat at her dressing table in her robe, brushing her hair.

"Damn it Monica. I know you slept with him. My God, you barely even know him. But you look so happy now. Did you even think of me at all last night? Did you wish it was me making love to you? Because I wish it was. I can't watch you move on like this Monica. But I don't know what else to do. I'm trapped here in a living hell."

Monica continued to brush her hair, smiling to herself as she remembered last night. Marcus was incredible and for the first time since Alan's death, Monica didn't feel sad and lonely.

Marcus spent the remainder of his Saturday as he always did, visiting his daughter and grandchildren. But this was different, even as he played with Alyssa and Heather, he couldn't get Monica out of his mind. There was something about her that got to him. She was not only incredibly beautiful, but she was smart too. He loved a woman who knew about the same things he did and was willing to challenge him on an issue or two. He enjoyed every moment he spent with her last night. He really hadn't expected her to stay the night. He hadn't even expected to ask her to. But, they were both incredibly lonely and being together just felt so right. After he left his daughter's, he struggled with whether or not to call Monica. He didn't want to seem pushy or make her feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, he didn't want her to think this was just a one-night-stand for him. He really wanted to see Monica again.

Finally, at about 8PM, he made his decision and called her. Monica was glad to hear from him. Marcus explained that he was going to try and get tickets to the local opera house production of "Madame Butterfly" and would she like to go. Monica pondered it for a moment and then declined. That opera was near and dear to her heart. She and Alan had seen it many times together; it would just be too hard right now to go with someone else. She did want to see him though. She quickly thought of an alternate idea. "How about coming here for dinner?" she asked. She knew Edward, Tracy and Luke would be at the policeman's "Casino night" fund raiser which was at Luke's club. So, she and Marcus would have the house to themselves and Cook could whip them up something wonderful for dinner. Marcus happily accepted her invitation.

Sunday night arrived and Marcus showed up at the door of the mansion with an armful of flowers and a bottle of wine. Monica was thrilled with the flowers. Alan sat quietly in his chair, stewing. He hated having this man, this intruder in his home, having dinner with HIS wife. "Cheap wildflowers," Alan commented. "You think he could have at least sprung for roses. And that wine, please. What vintage is that?"

Marcus was amazed at the mansion and commented on its magnificence. "Well, I'll be sure to give you a tour later," Monica said.

They enjoyed the wonderful dinner that Cook had prepared and drank a few glasses of wine. After eating, they moved over to the couch, where they sat and talked and laughed. Marcus eventually leaned over and kissed her. Monica responded but then stopped abruptly. "How about that tour I promised you?" She wanted to keep kissing Marcus, but promised herself that tonight she wouldn't end up in bed with him. Although she loved spending the night with him, she was a little scared by how fast they allowed things to move. After all, they were both so lonely. But now, she wanted to take her time and get to know Marcus.

Monica showed Marcus the downstairs. He was impressed by the beauty and all the antiques and artwork Monica had amassed over the years. The night was warm and Monica offered to show Marcus Lila's rose garden. The moon was bright and they both admired the roses which were in full bloom. "You'll have to come back in daytime to fully appreciate them." Monica added. As they walked through the garden Marcus noticed a red rose in full bloom that had broken nearly off the bush. "May I?" he asked, breaking off the broken flower. He handed it to Monica. "A beautiful flower for a very beautiful lady." They kissed softly in the moonlight, and then headed back indoors. "So this is my house," Monica stated.

"I gave it to you," Alan interjected.

"Well, I believe you've only shown me half of it," Marcus commented. "I've yet to see upstairs."

"Oh come on Monica, don't fall for that line. He wants to see your bedroom, that's all." Alan said aloud.

Monica hesitated for a moment and then answered, "Well, alright, we do have some art pieces upstairs you might like to see." She promised herself that was all she'd show him up there.

But as they walked in the hallway upstairs, Monica found herself opening the door to the master bedroom suite and showing Marcus inside. Before too long she found herself in his arms on her bed. Alan fumed and stormed off downstairs. He couldn't bear to witness this scene.

As he got down the stairs, he heard Tracy come home dragging along a very drunk Luke. "What happened to the Casino Night?" Alan questioned.

"Well, Luke made a bet with a bottle of Jim Beam and lost miserably." She plopped him on the couch where he proceeded to pass out.

"I'm glad you're home Tracy. I need your help. Monica's upstairs with that Marcus character and I need you to get them to stop what they're doing."

"What are they doing? Never mind, Eww, I really don't want to know. How am I supposed to stop them?"

"I don't know; create a distraction of some sort. You're good at causing chaos. "

"No thanks Alan leave me out of this."

"Tracy, please, I'm begging you. I'm desperate here. Look, I can't just sit down here while Monica cavorts with that…that guy up there in OUR bed. Tracy please…."

"Oh, alright. But I don't know what you want me to do."

"I know, set off the smoke alarm. "

"How would you like me to do that?"

Does Luke still carry around those cheap Cuban cigars? "

"Yes…."

"Light a few of them up."

Tracy looks at him strangely. "Come on Tracy hurry up, before they get too carried away up there."

Tracy hunts through Luke's jacket, pulls out 2 cigars and a lighter. She lights them up.

"No, over here," Alan motions. "Stand under the smoke detector."

The cigars aren't creating enough smoke to do anything. Alan frantically suggests, "The pillows over there ignite one of those."

"Alan are you crazy?? It's one thing dropping a roof on your wife and her lover, but now you want to burn down the whole house?"

"No, no, we're not going to burn it down, just create enough smoke to get them down here."

"I can't believe I'm going along with this." Tracy picked up a throw pillow from the couch and held the lit cigar up to it. In a few moments it began to smolder creating thick smoke. The smoke detector started to alarm which triggered the in-house alarm system. Alan laughed out loud. "

"Perfect!!!" He exclaimed.

A few seconds later, Monica and Marcus came running down the stairs. Monica's hair was mussed and blouse was buttoned incorrectly. Marcus' shirt was open as was his belt buckle and top button of his pants. They entered the den to see Tracy frantically beating a smoldering pillow. Luke remained passed out on the couch, oblivious to the alarms around him.

"What the hell's going on Tracy?" Monica shouted above the alarm.

"Luke insisted on smoking one of his cigars and he fell asleep with it. I turned my back for a few moments and the pillow was on fire. I think I have it put out now."

Alice came hurrying into the den. "I got all the alarms shut off, but the fire company's on their way. They respond automatically to the house alarm. I'll tell them everything's ok now."

"Thank you Alice. Oh my God Tracy, of all the irresponsible things! Luke's under strict doctor's orders not to be smoking those and now he almost sets my house on fire. I really regret even operating on him. He's worse than any child."

"Leave Luke alone Monica, he's doing the best he can!" Just then Tracy spotted Marcus standing behind Monica. "Well, well Monica, I didn't realize you had a friend here. Hi, I'm Tracy," she took his hand.

"Marcus Ingram, "he introduced himself, buttoning his shirt up.

Tracy looked him up and down. "Hmm, he IS your age Monica. What a surprise! Oh, I'm sorry, maybe Monica didn't fill you in on her penchant for MUCH younger men. Oops."

"Stop it Tracy!" Monica threatened.

At that moment, Edward entered the house. "What in the Sam hell's going on here? There's a fire truck pulling into the estate!"

"It's ok, Edward. Your brilliant son-in-law almost torched this place." Monica snipped.

"Our house is fine Monica," Tracy replied.

"MY HOUSE Tracy and I have half a mind to throw you and Luke both out."

"I gave it to you darling," ghost Alan chimed in.

Edward noticed Marcus standing awkwardly in the foyer. "Who the hell are you?"

"Edward this is Dr. Marcus Ingram. He's here with me."

Edward is a bit put out. "With you? Not another free loader in this house I hope, Monica."

"Actually, he was just leaving Edward."

"Well, good – one low life in the house is enough," Edward shouted to Tracy and walked over to Luke. "What is he drunk again, Tracy?"

"He's just resting Daddy."

"Resting?! The house could burn down around him..He's passed out cold."

As Edward and Tracy continued arguing in the den, Monica escorted Marcus to the front door. "Well, that was my family. "

"Quite a bunch," Marcus smiled at her.

"Yes, they are. But, they're all I have," she sighed. Listen, I'm so sorry about all of this. "

"It's ok Monica. Actually, it was quite entertaining. Will I see you at the hospital tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'll be there."

"Maybe we can have lunch together."

"I'd like that very much."

Marcus hugged her tightly and gave her a single soft kiss on the lips before leaving.

Monica slipped upstairs to her bedroom as Edward and Tracy continued their shouting match in the den below.

Alan, who has been lurking in the foyer, followed Monica upstairs, very pleased with himself for having caused Marcus to leave so quickly.

Once in her room, Monica changed into her nightgown and sat on her bed. She picked up the rose Marcus had given her from Lila's garden. She smelled it and held it for a moment to her nose. She could still feel Marcus' kiss on her lips. He was such a sweet man. She hoped the Quartermaine clan didn't scare him off. Just then, her cell phone rang. It was him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Have things quieted down there a bit?"

"I think so. Listen, I'm sorry again about tonight."

"Don't mention it. You have quite a family. But you were wrong about one thing; they're not ALL you have. Not now. Goodnight honey." He hung up before she could answer, leaving her speechless and her heart pounding fiercely in her chest.

Monica sat on her bed and let her thoughts drift to Marcus. She could still feel the warmth of his kiss on her lips. How happy he had made her. Happy – what a strange feeling that was. How long had it been since she actually could say she felt happy. She looked up and the photo on her dressing table caught her eye. It was her favorite picture of her and Alan together. She got up, sat at the table and brought the picture in close to her. As she studied Alan's face, she felt the guilt hit her again. She wanted so much to let this happiness she was now feeling overtake her, but she was so torn. How could she possibly let herself be happy when Alan, the man she had loved so very much, was gone? Was it wrong to begin to have these feelings for someone else again? She spoke her feelings out loud to Alan's picture, not knowing he was sitting in the corner of that very room, listening to her every word.

"Oh, Alan, my darling, I miss you so very much. Sometimes I can't believe you've been gone for over a year. For so long, I didn't want to believe you were really gone. I'd reach for you in the middle of the night; I'd walk into the house at the end of the day and expect to see you sitting there. I'd search for you in the halls of General Hospital. But after all this time, I know now that you are truly gone and no amount of wishing will bring you back to me. I've spent this last year living in a very dark place, just drowning in grief and pain. There were times it was overwhelming; times I didn't know if I wanted to live myself anymore. But now, now there's a light, Alan, a light I never expected. I met a wonderful man and I think if I allowed myself to, I could fall in love with him. But I'm so torn. I need to know that it's ok to move on. Oh Alan, we had something so amazing, a once-in-a-lifetime love. We loved with such intensity and passion, and fought the same way too. I know that I could never have that kind of love with someone else. When you died, a huge part of my heart died along with you. I'll never have that back and I don't want it back, it belongs to you. And part of you burns deep within me; it always will. I will never forget what we had together. I never knew a love like I had with you; I never knew it was possible; never knew someone could love me like you did; never knew I could love someone like that too. And I know in my heart that I'll love you forever. " She let the tears flow freely. Alan wiped his eyes too.

"But you're gone and I can't live in this darkness anymore Alan. I want to feel again. I want to love again, to be loved too. I want to feel alive. I want to start over and I need to somehow know that it's ok. Please tell me it's ok." She held the picture close to her chest and cried.

Alan walked slowly over to her, the tears blinding his eyes. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, knowing she could never feel him or hear what he had to say. But he spoke anyway, "Oh my love, Monica. God knows how much I loved you; how much I love you still. That's why this has been so unbearable for me. How can I let you go? It breaks my heart. But I know I've been foolish and selfish. I've watched you for months now and it has hurt me so much to see you in such pain. But I've been too jealous to admit that someone else could make you happy again. You're so right. You deserve to be happy and I know now that memories aren't enough anymore. I need to let you move on. I never wanted to leave you, but I died, you didn't and I've been holding you back long enough. Can you ever forgive me for that? If you think this man is the one, the one who can make you happy, then you need to go for it, make it happen. But I ever find out this Marcus guy has hurt you, I swear, I'll haunt him forever. Be happy my love…" his voice shook and he choked back the tears that started again. Alan walked slowly out of the bedroom, leaving Monica with a strange sense of calmness and peace. She suddenly felt the guilt and doubt lift from her. She crawled into her bed and slept soundly, dreaming both of Alan and Marcus.

Alan went downstairs and looked for Tracy. He found her in the den sitting with a still-sleeping Luke. "You really love him don't you," he said to her.

"Pretty obvious, huh?"

"Why else would you put up with his nonsense? Same as I did all those years with Monica. I guess if he makes you happy, that's really all that's important. And for the record, I think Luke really loves you too."

"Why Alan, you're quite deep tonight? You must be thrilled that your plan worked with Monica and the new boyfriend."

"Actually, no. I made a pretty big mistake tonight. Monica deserves to be happy again. She's been through hell these past months and I haven't helped the situation one bit. I came down here to say goodbye Tracy."

Tracy looked stunned. "Goodbye? I don't understand."

"I have to go. I don't know how, I don't know where, but I can't stay here anymore. Monica deserves a chance to start over and I have to let her. But I can't stay here and watch it happen before my eyes. I just can't. I love her too much to watch it happen and too much to hold her back. Just do me a favor, ok, keep an eye out for her. I know you've never been warm and fuzzy with Monica, but do this one thing for me. Make sure she doesn't get hurt again."

Tracy is surprised to find her eyes welling up with tears and even more surprised to find herself agreeing to Alan's request. "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'll miss you around here. "

"I'll miss you too kid. Despite what you've always thought, I do love you."

"I know….and ditto with the love thing." Just then Luke began to stir. Tracy turned to him and when she looked back toward Alan, he was gone.

EPILOGUE

As the weeks passed, Monica and Marcus saw quite a bit of each other. They had become practically inseparable, meeting for lunch at the hospital, dinners at the PC Grill and spending long weekends together, usually at Marcus' home. One night after a particularly romantic evening together, they lay in Marcus' bed. He held Monica close, stroking her hair. He finally whispered the words to her he had wanted to say practically from the day they met. "Monica, I love you."

Monica fought back tears as she said those words back to him. "Oh Marcus, I love you too. I really do." She was ecstatic, but terrified at the same time. She knew this was the start of something truly wonderful for the two of them, yet it was so hard to allow herself to fall in love again; to open herself up to the chance of being hurt again or worse, losing another person she loved. As she looked into Marcus' eyes, she knew he shared the same fears she did. "It's going to be ok," he whispered to her, as if he could read her thoughts. She clung to him, knowing in her heart, she was too far gone anyway. She had fallen head over heels for this man and she knew in her heart that it was finally ok to feel again. The darkness had lifted and starting over felt wonderful.


End file.
